The Grit of Rigorous Honesty
(Tuesday Grit — The Four Absolutes Series, Week 1)
Before there was Alcoholics Anonymous, there was the Oxford Group — a small band of truth-seekers in the 1930s who believed that real change began with moral inventory and personal surrender to God.
They lived by what they called the Four Absolutes:
Honesty. Purity. Unselfishness. Love.
Those four simple words shaped the spiritual foundation of early A.A., and they still hold weight for anyone chasing recovery today. They weren’t rules; they were yardsticks — tough, humbling questions that asked:
Is it true?
Is it clean?
Is it selfless?
Is it loving?
That first one — Honesty — is where everything starts.
We say “rigorous honesty” like it’s a badge of honor, but most days, it feels more like a wrestling match with myself.
I’ve lied in subtle ways all my life — by omission, by justification, by pretending I didn’t know what I already knew.
Food addicts like me are masters of almost true.
I’ll call it a “taste,” not a bite. A “snack,” not a binge. “I’ll start tomorrow,” “It’s protein,” “It’s technically on plan.”
Truth is, none of that’s honesty. It’s negotiation. And negotiation is the language of relapse.
The first Absolute — Honesty — doesn’t just mean telling the truth. It means living it. Facing what’s real even when it costs us comfort. Looking at the food scale, the mirror, the sponsor, the truth — and not flinching.
In recovery, honesty shows up in a hundred small ways: We write it down when we slip. We admit when we’re scared, jealous, or playing God. We stop saying “fine” when we’re not. It’s gritty work — spiritual heavy lifting. But without honesty, nothing else holds. Not abstinence. Not faith. Not freedom.
In the Big Book, the first step starts with truth — admitting we are powerless. Without that admission, we keep running the same scam, expecting grace to cover our lies. But grace doesn’t need our performance. It needs our truth.
Honesty isn’t perfection. It’s permission — to stop hiding, stop fixing, and start healing. God already knows the truth. He’s just waiting for me to stop editing it.
Still Here.
Still showing up.
Still telling the truth when it stings.
Still choosing honesty over hiding.
Still letting God rewrite the story.
Still… here.
With much gratitude and love ~ DeeBo
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